I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
