If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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