you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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