it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
