I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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