The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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