and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
