I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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