jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize