i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
