mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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