yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
