It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
