I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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