while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize