considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
