I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
