I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize