Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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