If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
