So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
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