Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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