And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize