Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
