Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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