70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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