you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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