I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want nice things and good sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
