just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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