i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We have started to decorate penises.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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