And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
