Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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