before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
