Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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