How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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