Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
