i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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