I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
