Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
