I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
