If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
