Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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