I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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