walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
