Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
