I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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