i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
