You just made me feel so damn special
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
