fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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