Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
