you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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