I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
