How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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