I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
