saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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