Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am naked and annoyed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
