you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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