Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
