I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
