Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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