I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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