And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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