you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
