Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
