It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
