When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
