This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
