I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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