hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
