my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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