How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
