Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
