i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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