a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize