Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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