I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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