Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
