There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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