Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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