Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
